Dealing with Domestic Abuse Cases: A trainer’s perspective

Tim KellyMarch 2, 2026

Dealing with Domestic Abuse Cases: A trainer’s perspective

-Tim Kelly

Prioritizing Practicality

Apache Solutions LLC started in 2017 as a private training solution for everyday armed citizens. In the small town of Yadkinville, NC., and the surrounding areas, there was never a place where someone could use a range with a private trainer who would help them become more proficient as an armed citizen. Our business does just that. Folks attend private, one or two-hour sessions regularly. Our trainers help the students establish goals and guide them in their accomplishments. Often, business patrons can become distracted by the many other aspects of training and forget to “Prioritize Practicality.”

pri·or·i·tize

designate or treat (something) as more important than other things.

Our priority list for new students is dependent on the actual student. We have had Doctors, Lawyers, Mechanics, Teachers, Hospital workers, stay-at-home moms/dads, and people from all walks of life. These people live in different areas of the region with different risks to weigh. We must adjust the protocol to fit their needs and what is more practical in their everyday life.

Prac·ti·cal

/ˈpraktək(ə)l/

1. Of or concerned with the actual doing or use of something rather than with theory and ideas.

Because of my military background, I have had numerous people ask me in the beginning to teach them Close Quarters Battle, how to fight in teams, night vision courses, etc. All these classes have their place with the right trainer but need to be low on our priority list for the everyday armed citizen. So, we decline by explaining to the student that we are interested in giving them what they NEED instead of what they WANT.

The hard reality is that they are more likely to encounter a violent criminal alone after work one day. This reality may require the tools they have on them right then. The odds of them clearing their house with 4 of their buddies in the dark with their rifles, body armor, and NODs are slim to none.

High Priority Students

Early in the business, I started teaching the first students who had protection orders against a crazed ex who had been harassing and following them. These students quickly became a high priority for us. To help these students, we needed to carefully examine the issue, not put ourselves at risk, and manage potential disruptions or conflict. For these occasions, we would pair up trainers on the range. One trainer was a lookout, and the other led the private instruction. After establishing some controlled environment, we would ask essential questions that would give us a better understanding of how to proceed with their training. Here are some examples of those questions.

1. Do they have means for lethal and less-lethal force?

a. Quality Pepper spray

b. Quality Handgun and holster

c. Training in hand to hand

2. How does their day-to-day life look?

a. Do you have a day job?

b. Do you have children in your custody?

c. How often are they in a vehicle?

d. Do you have an established routine?

3. How is their mental health?

a. Are you speaking to a therapist?

b. Do you have suicidal or homicidal thoughts?

4. Have they put preventative measures in place for home security?

a. Alarm system

b. Locks on doors (possibly changed)

c. Cameras

d. Additional tools to protect against a home intrusion.

5. What is the student’s primary goal in dealing with this situation?

a. Do they plan to leave the area, or will they stay?

b. What are some alternative options?

After discussing these questions and a few more, we begin establishing a plan to help the student.

First, students typically leave their first session knowing how to stop bleeding with a pressure dressing or tourniquet, a can of POM Pepper Spray (and a trainer), guidance on situational awareness, and begin the study of safe gun handling.

Because one can only teach so much in 1-2 hours, we limit the details to avoid flooding the student with information. This initial session is a scary experience for some, and too much information can quickly overwhelm the student.

As they continue to return, we revisit some of these questions and keep a list to determine what we should prioritize next. In this list, you must be careful with the information you record. Do not be invasive and only record information that YOU NEED. For instance, you do not need to log the layout of their house, their exact daily routine, or where they plan to run away to find safety. The trainer must handle that information delicately. Your log should consist of the questions above and check marks. Some notes at the end. Update as necessary.

Final Thoughts

Be empathetic but not personal. It is okay to care, but you MUST remember your priorities. It is not your responsibility to save them. It is your responsibility to help them protect themselves. Do so carefully and professionally.

Give the students practical options and not just physical tools. Have a list of resources that may be helpful to them: hotlines, articles, and links to places where they may find quality equipment.

The next time someone asks you to train them, keep the victims of domestic abuse in mind. You do not want to clog your schedule with low-priority skills. Instead, leave room to assist those who may need it the most!